Trauma Therapist Explains: What is Childhood Trauma?
When you are growing up, what happened or didn’t happen to you can define, and shape who you are, how you behave, and how you view the world.
As a Trauma Therapist, childhood trauma is one of the core aspects of therapy that is addressed in my practice. Childhood trauma can be one of the most challenging things to overcome and heal from because it requires you to take a deep look at your pain. We then build defenses over our pain (numbing out, rationalizing, etc.) so that we can avoid feeling that pain.
However, our childhood is the foundation on which our adult well-being is built. Trauma is like cracks in those foundations, and when we become adults, those cracks that are in our childhood foundation end up drastically affecting us. The effects are sometimes very subtle, such as constant self-criticism, believing that you are not good enough, or being anxiously attached to people.
Childhood trauma can be difficult to define especially if you never grew up experiencing what would be stereotypically seen as “trauma” such as physical abuse, or sexual abuse. This leads adults to sometimes overlook the effect their childhood has on them as an adult.
Abuse as a Source of Childhood Trauma
Abuse CAN be easy to see or spot when it is the stereotypical actions such as violence or sexual abuse. But where it can be more difficult is when there is emotional or verbal abuse. Abuse is best thought of as hurtful things that were done TO you. Did your parents yell at you? Did they hit you when you were bad? Were you hurt as a child?
If the answer is yes, then you may have grown up with trauma.
”BUT wait, didn’t it make me stronger?”
“Didn’t I deserve punishment sometimes?”
“My parents were just trying to discipline me.”
Yes, these are often the defenses that come up when it comes to discussing trauma. But let’s be clear, there is substantial research that shows punishment is a poor form of behavior control. And while your parents MAY have had good intentions, abuse can be measured more by the impact it has on individuals. This is often tricky especially if you grew up in a cultural background that uses criticism and corporate punishment as a means to control behavior or get positive outcomes (like good grades.)
Neglect: The Overlooked Aspect of Trauma
Folks don't often think of neglect as childhood trauma, but if we look at the impacts that neglect can have on people, it can often be as harmful if not even more so than actual abuse. Neglect is everything that should have been done to you that is positive that never was. This could be a lack of affection, all the way down to having basic physical needs met like food and shelter. If you grew up in a household where there wasn't a lot of affection, a lot of encouragement, and a lot of needs that were withheld for whatever reason, you may classify that as neglect and it is possible.
Folks who are neglected in childhood often neglect their own needs as adults. They can be seen on the outside as “independent” but are individuals who don’t want affection, and care from others because they were not taken care of as children. Neglect can lead to depression, and anxiety in adulthood, with many feeling as if there is a sense of emptiness in their body.
Neglect can be really easy to overlook because the signs of neglect in adulthood are very subtle. But because of that, it’s more important to acknowledge that growing up without your needs met is just as harmful as being abused.
Complex Trauma is Built off of Consistency
Childhood trauma occurs when the things that happened above happen consistently. This does not mean that being yelled at ONE time in childhood constitutes childhood trauma, but rather it was a regular or semi-regular occurrence. How can you tell if it was consistent?
If you close your eyes and remember your childhood, what feelings predominantly come up? If you have feelings where you are predominantly negative, or numb, you may have had enough consistency in your negative experiences to state that you might have childhood trauma.
It's also important to understand the role of caregivers and family dynamics in this context. Consistent trauma often stems from ongoing patterns within family relationships. This might include regular exposure to parental conflicts, inconsistent caregiving, or living in an environment of constant fear or uncertainty.
To delve deeper, consider the nature of these experiences. Were negative interactions, such as criticism, neglect, or abuse, a regular feature of your childhood? Did you frequently feel unsafe, unloved, or unsupported? These consistent patterns, rather than one-off events, are the hallmarks of childhood trauma.
Start Your Healing Journey with a Bay Area Trauma Therapist
Are you a successful adult still navigating the echoes of childhood trauma? As a dedicated Trauma Therapist in the Bay Area, I specialize in guiding individuals like you toward healing and wholeness. I understand the unique challenges faced by those who have achieved success, yet carry the weight of past experiences.
I invite you to take the first step in your transformative journey with a complimentary 15-minute consultation. This is a safe space for you to share your story, explore your needs, and understand how we can work together toward healing and empowerment.
Embrace the opportunity to turn your past struggles into strengths. Contact me today to schedule your consultation and begin the path to a more fulfilling life, free from the shadows of childhood trauma.
